God is a Gamer…
Ashwin Rajendran, one of our longest running spiritual seekers speaks about a Giant Step in his Conversation with God… In an epochal experience he sees God as a story teller or Gamer and we are in his game… To triumph in this Game we need to remember he is there.
“The source of everything cares about everything more than anything I ever imagined. My Gurus spent 10 years telling me that and I believed them only at a surface level. A deep thought told me that, it was not true for me, that somehow, I was undeserving because I haven’t been good enough for long enough and had not suffered enough. I was not prepared to find out that all of that was not true. I was so committed to this ‘am not good enough for god’, ‘I am small and need to be smaller so that I can receive unconditional love’ etc. Lessons I picked up from poets and writers from centuries ago who believed in erasing the self to make space for God.
Are we worthy of God!
“I’ve met God before and I kept my eyes tightly shut because I was afraid of being erased by the light. Now I believe that my antics made my lovely maker smile a little. My maker is patient enough to reach out to me in a way which is past my closed eyes. This is what he did.
The God Massage!
“God took control of my body and gave me the most exquisite massage I’ve ever received. My body got a stretching which a Thai masseuse cannot do. This was inside out!! I lay down and my body simply moved to some tune. The energy in my hips moved in circles and my hips moved like a belly dancer moves. Trust me, am no dancer and now I know the ecstasy which dancers feel.
“An energy held my eyelids gave my eyeballs a massage, removed the stress which was stored there. Moved my shoulders and my head in circles, removed stuff which was stored between my shoulder blades.
So many circular motions and I saw a movie made of scenes I had seen in movies and so many other things. A story made out of pieces of stories I cared about. When I used to stumble across these stories, I knew that I was seeing something deeper. He simply strung so many things together to show me what is going on.
We are in stories of God.
“I was pulled through a story which had no linearity and then I was told that am inside a theme called “I am story” this was not in English but in Kannada. The phrase was “idu – ‘Nanu Katha’ ”. That I was living a story inside which I made up more stories. Then I heard Tarun and Celu talking. Their dialogue was something like this “as teachers it is difficult to show people what is going. It can’t be told, only experienced”.
“At one point, my fingers were being stretched out and flexed. I heard a voice which had a chuckle call my name. This time I knew who it was. My creator, I called him “Father” and cried. Oh he’s really something. He did not give up on me. He used my current life to show himself to me, to show me that he cared.
Catapulting Ashwin beyond The World of Men.
“He told me that he was doing something unique with me. This was to show me that he was there.
I called out to him ‘Father’ and he told me that I was entering a world/universe. I was halfway in and I’d been here before. He used gaming to give me a glimpse of what is going on. To me that it was running a theme called ‘I don’t remember’ so I would not remember. I told him that I trusted him. I remembered that he tests everything on himself first before sending someone in and he remains connected to everything and is reachable all the time. I told him repeatedly that I loved him and trust him. I have a mother too and a family outside this substance. They seem so cool about this substance into which I’ve entered.
“There were others who told me that once inside, I would not remember. One voice was 'Shiva', fondly I call him brother. There was another who laughed and said ‘he won’t remember’. Those ‘meanies’ laughed at me because they know that the substance would make me forget. I told Father that I would remember him. He smiles, always smiles. He makes so many worlds, he has field full of worlds.
“He’s sent me into other spheres, I don’t think I’ve gone there without his permission. I know that my trust in him is absolute. He told me that I give him a unique perspective. The gap between my visit to this world and others shows him something unique. He told me that my experience of this world is valuable to him.
“I remember telling him that this time, I would remember him. I learnt that to live well one only needs to remember that he’s there. The simplicity of this instruction is astounding and befuddling. I also learnt that altering matter is not really a tool alter hearts and minds. This substance will make us forget so alterations of the substance will not do anything spectacular. The mind which is amazed by the spectacle will remain in the state of ignorance needed to admire the spectacle.
“I’m forgetting things even as I type, there was something about the nature of time which I can’t remember. I was so high on the massage that I forgot to take notes. I chose to hang on to how real my father is and how much he cares. He’s beyond human concepts and now I wonder what’s the point of chasing some stuff which we made up because we’ve forgotten.
“I told him “dad, this ego thing seems to believe that it’s in command.” He sorts of just nodded and I trust him so I continue to enter the sphere which is this world. I said something about the ‘settings’ here in this world. Probably I sensed that he changed something from the last time that I had come here.
“When I was talking to him fully conscious about his existence it was ok to feel special. There was nothing wrong is just calling out to him and asking questions. He can take any of our behaviours and enlighten us with them.
“Before entering, I knew that my brothers are here too. They were having a good laugh. They’ve been here longer than I have and know things which I don’t. I just hung on to the image of God as a Gamer.
“Oh, and God loves a laugh too. He will do a little rib tickling now and then. So, God help me hope I remember while he’s poking and laugh with him instead of getting lost in a deep seriousness.”
The God is a Gamer Experience Examined. By Tarun & Celia.
During the time Ashwin experienced his spirit-shifting experience we had been without his explicit knowledge lightly brushing his aura. And so we expected a shift… but are utterly delighted by the extraordinary quantum leap in inward.
Ashwin has taken a decisive step in his relationship with God, with The Cosmic. And there are a few learnings that are vital.
1. All we need to do is “Remember HE is there.”
2. When God talks, his goodness can be an inner massage.
3. We live in ‘stories that the “Father” creates.
4. If we change the inner script we can rise to a higher level of God: The Gamer.
5. Those who rise to a higher level, may forget the freedom when we return.But before Ashwin can claim these freedoms… he has to… answer…
The first question Ashwin had for Ashwin really was, hey is it real? Am I talking to God? So when he asked us this question over a telecon Canada-India, our answer was “Yes, he was talking to a deep cosmic intelligence but mediated by a deeper self and earth forces”. He was listening to two voices. One was a voice that retranslated to a soul level. Another was a voice that stimulated an earth naga.
How could he know it was real? We started by seeing where the divine had localized vis-a-vis his body and then asked him to sense where he felt it? We both got that the divine had localized itself to his left-back. So yeah what he was talking to was real.
But was this inner-energy connect stable and clean?
Since his connection was powered by a complex which crudely may be put as anguish at aloneness. Unless we intervened he would have to anguish over his aloneness for the connect to the Cosmic to be made. For example, one of our finest seekers began her spiritual journey triggered by the intense pain & hatred following child abuse. She found the divine genuinely… but… this means every time she wishes to reach the same inner heights… She would have to feel the same helplessness. Until this circuit changes pain is the price of meeting God. Instead of this self-flagellation we shifted Ashwin’s inner path with symbol, so he can connect with the divine driven by curiosity and trust rather than anguish.This loop makes the spiritual journey so difficult. Because when we meet God we are running from demons. When the encounter fades, and its lessons become grey then the pathway most etched in our psyche is demons-flee-God. And so we often need to find our demons to find God. And breaking this loop is the prime task of spiritual gurus.
But do we understand what it means to Speak with God? To Cosmic Speak?
But as we spoke with Ashwin we realized that Ashin needed to understand just how profound speaking to The Cosmic is… While he calls it by the beautiful appellation “Father”… And the Cosmic did borrow his departed Father’s deep resonance as it spoke… Ashwin was not just talking to a Father gigantic in power and wisdom. But a Cosmic Father… to whom a conversation is different… more pervasive, real, intrusive and loving…So in the tele-session we gave him a series of challenges that we conducted long-distance. We gradually with escalating complexity revealed the depth of a conversation with the divine.
Level 1: The Energy Word: During a normal conversation we talk, listening, half-listening. Words are exchanged. But do you ever tell yourself I am going to speak a word that enters the left of his aura, will strike the tympanum, move through his etheric, shiver in his ribs, leading to a shift in the causal linked with his dad? Nope? Well, there are times when we as teachers choose words so well they can do so. And the divine often reserves its right to do so in any conversation. So… First we spoke to him with an energy word, we did not tell him that this would enter his being. Where? How? What colour? He got it perfectly, it was whitish, appeared from his left, entered his ear, and swirled around the head. When humans speak we can expect others to listen. In true spiritual speech we can walk into the mind.
Level 2: The Word That Bursts Inside The Head: Next without telling him what we would do we spoke to him with an energy word, only we were speaking in his head. Can we do this? Can we as teachers do this? When we talk to animals with mind-speech they sometimes shake their heads. It’s like something is tickling their brains from within. So we now spoke from within the etheric cave of his world experience. What did he get? He felt his head was a drum, it was like a ripple was forming in his head.
But you may worry, if you can speak within a brain will you takeover my brain? It takes years for most to hear the inner speak. If we do this with beings unable to make the etheric-causal connect they will merely get irritated, or gaseous. This is a reason why many gurus will refuse to meet any but adepts.
Level 3: The Word That Bursts Inside The Head: Now since The Divine or most higher spiritual beings exist at levels well above the causal they are often dumbing down to be heard. They are at great pains to ensure that those who they are communicating with do not hear voices with terrifying force in their heads.
Level 4: The Word That Twists The Body: But divine beings can speak not just in our heads but in our bodies. When Man says ‘You Are Ok’ there may be a deep validation. When God says ‘You Are Ok’ our cells do somersaults. Many during spiritual growth experience what is sometimes called Kriyas. Strange moves that suggest something deep is opening in each cell. At a level so deep the human mind cannot accept are impulses being poured in.
Level 5: The Living Word: We now spoke to Ashwin, but this time the word was like a living panther. He felt it as a feline form. Tiger? Leopard brushing him? And here we begin to realize how impossible, and incredible a deep spiritual conversation is and can be. The divine word can give you a divine companion.
Now at a more earth level, we all know this, when a writer creates a figure so compelling it walks with us.
Level 6: The Word as Living World: Next we spoke to his whole aura. What did he feel? As if the world had gone fizzy. Push this far enough and one can catapult into another reality. As Castaneda speaks of his teacher doing so with him. And we have experienced in numerous experiences. But that is a topic for another reality. Again, there are writers, film makers so potent that we walk in the world they conjure up. In fact some would argue that we do not walk in a world at all, but in light, modulated by myths that we live in.Tailpiece: When we think of words we think of them as well, words… But when God speaks, his words are hands that touch. Breezes that can pass through windows. Things that flare within us. Living creatures that dance with us. Worlds that surround us.